Wednesday, October 10, 2007

conde nast can blow me; RIP Jane

I know I have been bitching way too much about the demise of a sub-par, slightly insulting publication: Jane magazine.

But goddammit! I was just thinking, sad and lonely on this cold, windy dismal day, how exciting it used to be to come home on a day such as this, with at least the prospect of having a little bit of guilty pleasure to laugh, cry and furrow my brow with. But alas, all that I have now (not considering the other magazines which frequent our home's mailbox), is a shitty shitty ass glossy with the fucking title "GLAMOUR" sitting, taunting me in our mail basket.

Fuck you Glamour; may you spend the rest of your days covered in credit card offers and holy mail and sausage and cheese platter catalogs for the possibly deceased, old resident of this place, Sister Mary Katherine O'Connor.

I had tried to cancel my "complimentary" "subscription" to "Glamour" that is supposed to fill this void in my soul, but I kept receiving "errors" while doing so online. So despite writing the strongly worded letter, fueled by alcohol of some mix, they keep sending me the goddamn magazine.

Well no more. Here I go again, resending my comment on the general shitty-ness of those bastards taking away the one piece of mainstream media I could handle with at least a small (however very small) grain of salt.

The letter:

Hi.

For years I have been subscribing to, and buying off the newsstand, Jane magazine. Through thick and thin, seeing the magazine go through editorial and design changes, hating it and loving it, I have always had a special place in my heart for a publication that treated its readers as a little something more (though admittedly, at times not much more) than a consumer. Of course, that is not something that Conde Nast really cares about, so giving the magazine the boot after it failed to meet advertiser sales after many brainstorming sessions, editorial switch arounds and internet strategies, was not really that much of a heartbreak. Except for its readers, of course, who enjoyed having at least the option of a mainstream women-directed magazine that wasn't complete and utter bullshit.

The replacement of "Glamour" magazine for my subscription to Jane is an insult to my intelligence and existence. Please "cancel" my "subscription" to this piece of filth "publication" immediately. Do not add my "number" as a "subscriber" to any of your bullshit media kits or figures to sell ad space to advertisers. I will not be supporting Conde Nast or any of its backers after the cancellation of its one product that was actually worth putting my money and time towards.

At first I thought, upon hearing that my subscription to Jane would be "fulfilled" by Glamour, that I may as well give it a chance, considering the price of a subscription to Jane was practically raping the publication in the first place, but upon glancing over how I can be told the it is TRUE! that NOT only single women masturbate, that wildly colored hair is an embarrassing DON'T and that Syri Cruise's haircut means something, I felt insulted as a human being.

As stated before, cancel my "subscription" to the piece of shit magazine Glamour immediately. And fuck you Conde Nast.

Sincerely,

tlatitcr

P.S. I had tried doing this the more civil way, through your website option of “canceling subscriptions” and it refused to process my request.

3 comments:

James said...

working at a bookstore, i sell quite the onslaught of glammytrash magazines...and it was a sad day when JANE stopped coming in....JANE probably the only popular chic woman's magazine that could advocate eating hamburgers, so on. whatever.

anyway, i simply added you to a link list. it compells you to do nothing. its like dot com world fer what up. check dis shit out. or something. i don't know. no worries.

James said...

also, i like the theme emerging here of you pasting angry letters you've sent out. its like blogging but productive in the sense that you actually did something and then blogged about it...you weren't just angry. you were angry and sent a letter. that requires postage. 39 cents of anger. nice.

little dick said...

i love you, it's nice to listen to your arguments again, why don't you rule the world, fool! I don't know why, but it says that I am currently posting as "little dick" below this, and I don't know how to change that because I don't have an account to log into, so who knows, I guess we both know all about my little dick, ha ha!